There is a caste system in India which places people in categories that affect their entire lives and how they are treated by people of different castes. Widowhood is like that.  I feel like I am now one of the "untouchables", not a real person anymore, but a shadowy, strange figure I don't even recognize when I look in the mirror. All of the light and joy has gone out of my life and it shows in my face.

There is guilt, too. But not like you might think.  I feel guilty that I can't find a way to think about the other members of my family.  I have two wonderful sons who are married to great girls.  I have two precious grandkids. My parents have been and continue to be wonderful. But I can't seem to connect to any of them. I don't want to hurt them but I don't think any one of them, except for maybe my mom, can understand the depth of this pain that I am feeling right now.  Does this happen to everyone?