“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.”
Grieving 101
Lately I have been trying really hard not to let this grief get the best of me...as in taking over my life. My kids are grown, my grandkids are 3000 miles away. I had to move after my Dave died so most of my friends are an hour or more drive from me. When I lost my home and farm, I lost my income (I lost all of that at the whim of my MIL, which was another layer of pain and grief) so I am essentially broke. I moved to a town where there are no jobs to be had. I am here because I had nowhere else to go. I am 58 years old and the prospects of me ever having another relationship are almost nil as I see it. I was getting pretty down. With all that time on my hands, I have plenty of time to focus on what I wrong with my life and that is what I was doing up until about a month ago. I can't really explain it but I kinda had a "vision" that changed my mind about things and I have been working very hard on remembering only how incredible my life with Dave has been and not on "poor me". I am starting to feel better by the day and even though I have those meltdowns (still can't listen to the radio other than NPR), as soon as I start to feel one coming on, I think about something wonderful we did and in a few minutes I start to feel better. Shedding those tears has come to represent a shedding of negative emotions for me and replacing them with good ones.
