I am alone now. That is the true fact of the matter and there isn't one damned thing that I can do about. I can cry and scream to heaven to bring you back to me but that would change nothing.
I sink to the darkest depth of despair one minute and the next, I am grinning like a cat over some shared experience that I have just recalled. This thing called grief is a force of nature that is pulling me into a reality that I don't think I want to be part of, and yet at the same time, the intensity of my feelings about all this is as it should be. For two people to have been as passionate about each other as you and I were, why would I expect less? How could my grief not be as all consuming and intense as my life with you has been? And so I take in the grieving, like a deep breath, into my very soul and then release it back into the Universe and sometimes I feel whole again, just for a second.
I want to tell the world about you, about how special you are/were but I can only sit and stare because I can't find words with enough import and energy to tell your story. I will find my voice eventually and I will shout to the world everything I can remember and everything that I know to be true about you. I need to do this for you, my love. And for me. I need to remember...
Originally posted 4/18/2010
Originally posted 4/18/2010
